Miqva'ot in the news

This article appeared in the Huffington Post yesterday (2/21/12). Below it are links to Oprah's interview with several Chasidic families, including discussion of family purity observance in orthodoxy.

Rabbi Adam Jacobs
Managing Director, Aish Center in Manhattan
The Secret Life Of Hasidic Sexuality
Posted: 02/21/2012 11:10 am

Though I am not entirely sure why, people seem just plain fascinated by the (supposedly) cloistered communities of black clad Jews who briskly swarm -- entourage and side curls in tow -- through the streets of Brooklyn, the Diamond District and Old Jerusalem. For sure, some of it is the sheer "otherness" of their look and their seeming lack of interest as to what is occurring street level, including you and all the other passers-by. But whereas the Amish seem to spark a warmer, folksy response for their dogged embrace of the sartorial choices of their 18th century forbearers, Hasidim are often treated as circus freaks for having made a similar decision. I think it is this same lurid fascination that compels us to respond to the barkers call to gawk at the bearded-lady and the boy with the lobster claw hands that draws our imaginations to contemplate Hasidic intimacy.

I saw two examples of this in action in the popular media this past week. The first was through the lens of Deborah Feldman, a former Satmar Hasid whose rejection of that tradition has recently garnered her a good measure of media exposure -- and book sales. The ladies of "The View" tremulously queried her as they might an escapee of the Taliban or some tribe of Cannibals, but the discussion could not conclude until Barbara Walters (prompted by the producer) gave her all of 60 seconds to explain the (apparently primitive) Satmar mating practices. What she did manage to cover, though it ended up sounding like some antiquated misogyny rite, formed the basis of Taharat HaMishpacha (family purity), a brilliant and beautiful concept that is practiced by religious Jews of all stripes -- from the most Hasidic to the most left-wing modern Orthodox.

To hear a better explanation of the idea, I would direct you to Oprah Winfrey's generous and open-minded interview with four Lubavitch women in Crown Heights. There too, she wanted to hear about how they had sex, but unlike Ms. Feldman, who seems to have had an unusually negative experience, these women were proud of their tradition and eager to talk about it.

In short, religious men and women physically separate during the days of menstruation and [the orthodox] add on an additional "clean week," making about 12 days out of the month in total. This is not done, as Ms. Feldman suggests, because the women are considered "impure," which is a common and unfortunate mistranslation. Rather, the women are tameh -- a word that indicates a spiritual change as the result of the loss of potential life. When men ejaculate, they also become tameh and also require immersion in a mikvah or ritual bath (though due to the relative frequency rates, most men -- Hasidim excluded -- do not hold themselves to this standard). In neither case is there any assumption of dirtiness or lack of purity. In that same vein, a human corpse is considered the most tameh object on Earth as it is now the empty shell of a former actualized living force. The mikvah -- through its laws, dimensions and construction -- is a kabbalistic practice that restores the non-corporeal equilibrium of the practitioner.

For those who don't accept the spiritual basis for the practice, there is a sociological one as well. As correctly explained by one of the women conversing with Oprah, when there is no physical outlet available for a couple, they are compelled to deal with each other on an intellectual and emotional level. They communicate only through words and body language which engenders another -- perhaps deeper -- level of intimacy. In addition, many couples describe the conclusion of this period of separation as a monthly honeymoon, and in a time when the majority of marriages fail, sustaining the excitement level can only be a good thing. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, it does wonders for other anatomical regions. In truth, to the average observant Jew, sex is not something mundane and titillating, but, rather, holy and sacred. From this perspective, it is the puerile obsessions of the secular world which are bizarre, not the concept of family purity and seeing one's intimate life as something sanctified -- to be guarded and cherished.

Ms. Feldman also intimated that the purpose of Hasidic (aka Jewish) martial intimacy was solely to procreate. This is obviously not the case as couples continue to perform the mitzvah (right action) of intercourse during pregnancy, after menopause and when there is a biological inability to conceive. Actually, the main purpose of sex -- as explained by Jewish law -- is to create something called devek, best translated as an intense spiritual/emotional cleaving between the couple. The stringencies associated with this practice -- general separation of the genders, refraining from physical contact with the opposite sex and the modesty laws -- are all designed to promote the ardent primacy and exclusivity of the marital relationship. Nothing is meant to stand in the way of its fullest development.

Are there times when devotees, or entire communities, fall short of these lofty goals? Yes. Does that mean that their underlying principles are weird or beyond the contemplation of the average person? No. In fact, the world at large would do well to consider the adoption of a version of them. I've heard it said that divorce is the second most traumatic experience that a family can go through next to the death of a close relative. Wouldn't it be in be in everyone's interest to gird marriage to the greatest extent possible thus sparing couples, families and nations from voluminous anguish?

Their style might not be everyone's cup of tea, but in this regard, the Hasids have it right.

Follow Rabbi Adam Jacobs on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RabbiAdamJacobs

Those of us who don't have cable didn't see Oprah's interview on TV, but you can find information about them here (part 1) and here (part 2).

Shalom!

A quick update on the last orthodox webinar.

Received by email:

BH

...Once again, over 500 viewers logged on from around the world to participate in Session V of our Six Part Series that aired this past Monday, January 20th, 27th of Shevat. Many who attended in person were Shluchos and visitors to the annual Kinos HaShluchos that ran over the weekend, so happy to be able to participate!

Here are some comments we have received:

”Amazing session tonight! Thanks for the
others as well! Gr8 refresher course!” Sara

“Thank you so much for posting the class online! It was so inspiring and great to be able to make dinner while listening to a shiur! You guys are doing amazing work! Can’t wait for the next one!” Zlata

“Thank you so much for this amazing refresher course!” Rozee

The Sixth and Final Session of our Six Part Review Series begins, Monday, February 27th, 4th of Adar, at 8:15-8:30PM, Eastern Standard Time, at the home of Rabbi Moshe and Faigy Rubashkin, 1349 President Street, Brooklyn, NY.

This sixth session features Keeping A Distance – The laws of Harchokos, presented by Mrs. Sara Morozow.

Here is the information needed to log onto the live feed and view the session on your own computer, if you are unable to attend in person. It is the same as the previous sessions. Once registered, you do not need to register again:

Link to log on page:
http://www.torahcafe.com/passkey2.php?vid=65006be27

Password (copy and paste):
49bd0e363

We are doing our best to make each session available for viewing on Mikvah.org as soon as possible for those who may have missed viewing the session via live feed. We understand that there are time zone differences and prior engagements that prevent viewing live.

Sessions I and II are now available online: Click here to view. We will notify you as soon as the next session is available online.

Please note that the live feed is currently not available on iPad or via telephone. Please email your questions to events@mikvah.org. Those that are not answered during the live feed will be answered later via email.

We hope you enjoy the session.

Taharas Hamishpacha International/Mikvah.org

As noted in the last post, the position of the Lexington Miqvah Society is that questions of whether or not to follow orthodox practice are an intensely personal decision and we respect everyone's spiritual journey. This link is given for educational purposes, because knowledge is always a good thing to have.

Shalom!

For those interested in the Orthodox view

There has been an ongoing webinar series on the Orthodox practice of family purity. There is one webinar left in the live series, but afterward all of the webinars will be posted for viewing after the fact. I apologize for not posting this in time for anyone to view all the webinars live. By the time I got around to working on updating this blog, most of the classes had already finished.

Of course, the Orthodox practice is not for everyone. The written Torah commands that a woman and her husband must "separate" for 7 days, counting from the day she beings her monthly cycle. That is, they should sleep apart and not have marital relations. At nightfall the 7th day, the woman immerses in the miqvah and can then go about business as usual. That is the written commandment.

In cases where a woman has some sort of infection or illness, miscarriage or other injury that causes her to bleed for a longer time than seven days, the written commandment was to wait until the sickness was over and then count seven "clean" days, at which point she can immerse.

The all male Orthodox Rabbinate has decided that women aren't smart enough to tell when they are having a regular period and when they are injured or sick, so they require every women to follow the more onerous schedule. This means if you are a woman who has had children and your period usually lasts for 6 or 7 days (which is normal), then you must add another 7 days and go 13+ days sleeping apart from your husband. They have developed a complicated calendar system of deciphering when a woman is about to start her cycle and how to count the extra days until they say it is over.

Most non-Orthodox women do not agree with the lengthier requirement, to say the least. In Conservative Judaism, most women who practice monthly miqvah immersion follow the written commandment, not the Orthodox practice. However, Conservative Judaism has as one of its tenants that the Oral Law of the Rabbinate is legal and binding upon all Jews. It is good to know the official "party line" even if you have no intention of being so stringent in your own practice. And if you do want to adopt the Orthodox practice, there are links to the right side of this page under the heading "Resources" which can guide you.

The Lexington Miqvah Society takes the position that it is a personal decision.

But if you are interested in studying the Orthodox methodology, here is an excerpt from the email listing the upcoming webinar date and links to find the previous webinars online:

Married? This One’s For You!

Participate in a six-part Taharas Hamishpacha Review series created for the Chabad worldwide community. All classes will be held in Crown Heights at the Rubashkin residence, 1349 President Street - and will air simultaneously via a live web feed - beginning Monday, January 23, 2012 at 8:15 PM. Classes will run for five consecutive Mondays thereafter, same time and same location, for a total of six classes. Each class is complete in itself, how many you attend is up to you. Attending all is a gift to yourself and your family.

Course Schedule:

...Monday February 27, 2012:

Keeping A Distance – The laws of harchokos. Presented by Mrs. Sara Morosow

Questions may be submitted in writing and will be addressed at the end of each session. Sessions are free, donations are welcomed!

Email events@mikvah.org to sign up and receive instructions to log on to the live web feed.

Please note that registration will be closed at noon the day of each session. Your full name, email address and telephone number are required for log on to each session.

This Taharas Hamishpacha Review Course will be available for online viewing at Mikvah.org once the technicalities have been taken care of and after review by presenters and Rabbonim. Those who are unable to join in the live feed will be able to view it at that time. Please check mikvah.org for updates.

Education is a good thing. It's always good to know every side of an issue. We should not be afraid to learn and to discuss issues of Jewish practice. Studying the old ways can help us learn the reasoning for doing things that way and knowing the rationale, we can then better incorporate parts of the traditional practice that have value for us in our personal spiritual journey.

Shalom!