Our reality is valid - embrace it.

My Abortion, My Miscarriage, and My Right To Have My Own Feelings Women are entitled to a wide range of emotions about their bodies and fertility. But under Jewish law, the rules are clear. By Marjorie Ingall|September 10, 2013 12:00 AM ...No matter what we feel—sadness at a miscarriage, relief at an abortion—women are told their feelings aren’t legitimate. Someone—a politician, a friend, a member of the clergy—invariably tells us to buck up if we’re devastated by the loss of a wanted pregnancy, and/or to hate ourselves if we’re not devastated to end an unwanted one. Jewish law, however, is about rules and remedies, not emotions. In our tradition, babies who lived less than 30 days weren’t considered full-fledged people. “We do not mourn for fetuses, and anything which does not live for 30 days, we do not mourn for it,” wrote Maimonides in his Laws of Mourning in the Mishneh Torah. “The infant, for 30 days, even including the full 30th day (if it dies), we do not mourn for it,” said the Shulhan Arukh. That’s pretty clear and stark. But today, Jewish tradition encourages women to mourn if they want and need to... I am sure there are many of us who are horrified at the cold-hearted "logic" of the Rabbinate. Even considering this was written at a time when medical care was, well, medieval, and most children died young. But today things are different, and women should embrace their feelings. Our reality should not be relegated to some second-hand status. Let us find comfort in new rituals that are healing of our mind and spirit.